Article Navigation

The origin of the ‘DAN-ism’


I don’t fit.

I have spent a lifetime as a square peg trying to get into every round hole I’ve ever come across (all puns intended). 

I was raised as a smart-mouthed-German-Jehovah’s-Witness (*gasp*) that looked like a Jew (or so I was repeatedly told), in a dirt-poor suburb filled with people that didn’t like smart-mouths, Germans, Jehovah’s Witnesses or Jews.  The queue to kick my ass was so long that half its members grew up and moved on before they got their turn to take a swing.

The dude on the left is clearly doing 'The Robot' way before it became popular.  German Engineering, even our dance moves are technologically advanced.
The odd thing is, I’m a white Aussie born in a nation of white Aussies, and yet somehow I managed to hit every ‘fuck you, you’re not one of us’ button that was available to me from the moment I bungie corded out my mother's lady parts.

**/WAVE.  'Hi Mom!' LOL - my mother's dead - LOLNOTLOL**

I get that I was different.  When your packed lunch is a knackwurst and everyone else has a vegemite sandwich, it can be hard to fit in.  But if the guy kicking your ass for being a ‘Nazi-boy’ is called ‘Malachevski’, it’s hard to understand why no one’s kicking his ass too.

After a while you stop trying to understand, you become fine with it, a little proud even of being the black sheep.  It’s part of your personal identity.

Fuck yo’ sheepiness peoples; I stand out in a crowd.  Bahhhhh bitches.

As an adult, I’m an educated Australian atheist that’s been punched in the nose so many times I look less like a Jew and more like Mr Potato Head (again, so I’ve been told).  Fewer people seem inclined to punch Mr Potato Head though, so I’m ok with that.

The journey to becoming synonymous with vegetables has helped me form a series of behaviours and opinions that you’re not allowed to have in polite circles.  This can be challenging.  I spend a great deal of time surrounded by incredibly lovely educated people, in these circles, ‘Educated Dan’ wears the ‘Educated Dan’ hat.  I discuss art, education, politics and gender issues.

Occasionally however, I trip on a DAN-ism. 

When a DAN-ism falls out of my mouth in these circles, it’s like watching a dog shit on the carpet in the middle of a cheese and wine tasting party.  Everyone stops, and there is this awkward silence as everyone tries to figure out how to appropriately react.

In my non-polite circles, DAN-isms are generally met with gales of laughter and an equal number of reciprocal '-isms' by everyone present.  However they have fallen out of my mouth with such regularity over such a long period of time, that it has become acceptable among my friends to call anyone's ism: a ‘DAN-ism’. is where I let it all hang out.  It’s uncensored, rude, filled with TMI and will often promote socially unacceptable ideas and opinions.  I welcome all the people who don’t fit.  I hope some of my DAN-isms make you smile, or when not funny, make you emphatically nod in agreement.  If there is nowhere else in the world that you fit, then at least maybe here you can be surrounded by equally socially unacceptable misfits.  Who knows, maybe by the time you’re finished reading this, you’ll be able to contribute some '-isms' of your own.

Welcome all ye misfits.

No comments:

Post a Comment