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Dan-isms vs The Governator #HelpBeatTheGovernator


Achievement Unlocked! 

Dan-isms is half way to catching The Governator on view count! Ok.  He may have just a teensy bit more in the follower count *insert awkward clearing of throat* But he's the worlds greatest action star and I wrote a teen romantic comedy... so... I'm focusing on views.  Can we do it!

Tell your friends about DAN-isms.com and help us hit 1.6 million views!

PS
Please don't tell Arnie I'm trying to beat his view count, I need all my body parts attached.

Don't piss off the internet, it pisses back. Or does it?


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So Recently Emma Watson become the target of internet hoaxers and as part of this hoax two fake websites were created www.emmayouarenext.com and www.foxweekly.com

I was pretty pissed about the whole thing and it appears I'm not alone.  The hacking community weren't thrilled by it either with a group called Le 9Gag Army, and a chapter of Anonymous, as well as segments of the Ebaumsworld and the 4Chan community getting together to deface both websites.

Where previously emmayouarenext.com held a message to Barack Obama to shut down 4Chan it now has this:

Feminism is not about teaching minors cunnilingus, mmmkay?


*Note, if you do have an educated understanding of gender equality and use Facebook or Reddit, please don’t think I’m speaking down to you in this article.  The terms are merely indicative of the prevalence of ignorance being perpetuated through social media.

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I don’t even know where to begin with this story:


When I read the intro to the above article, I laughed my ass off.  It was so absurd that I just couldn’t believe that it was a real life story.  I stopped laughing however when I got to the email at the end story (email included at the end of this article) and just facepalmed.

In short, a mother decided to bring into a second grade class baked goods in the shape of vaginas, so she could educate all the kids on the human vagina. 

OKaaaay. 
But it gets better.

Famously cockblocked on the internet!

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Yay! We're internet famous!  Which means... not really famous... at all.  If you're a fan of the Reddit literature thread, please wander on by and give us an upvote.

...Or alternatively just order your copy of Cockblocked by Jesus today, read it, and tell everone how much you enjoyed it!

KThanxBai!

WTF Internet?! The real story behind the fake Emma Watson attacks

'And then they said they'd leak nudes...'





















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I have always liked Emma Watson, though I never made it past the first Harry Potter movie.  This is mainly because ever since I was a teen, I was in love with Adult Fantasy (Jordan, Fiest, Hickman, McCaffrey, Weis etc) and the perception that Fantasy is just a kids genre annoys me to death.  So I've followed her work outside of Harry Potter.

Recently she spoke out at the UN on behalf of feminism.  The second half of her speech nearly made me cry.  Seeing a celebrity make any effort to publicly pass the talking stick to men so they could at last be recognised as part of gender equality debate, spoke to me on a very personal level.  Don't get me wrong, the HeForShe campaign I think is a good first step but does not do enough for gender equality, however it is a step, and as I haven't seen any other steps that publicly include men on a grand scale - it was very exciting.

It's not about women, but it should be. An Oh!-pinion on Celebgate/TheFappening

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If you were in a room with Hugh Jackman (an outstanding fellow Australian) and for some reason he'd just stepped out of a shower and was wearing nothing but a towel, would you look... or avert your eyes?
Hugh 'The Wolverine' Jackman

What if he dropped the towel... would you look? Regardless of how embarrassing the situation was for Hugh, regardless of whether he asked you to look away, regardless of whether in any other circumstance you would automatically comply with a request to avert your eyes... if it was Hugh 'The Wolverine' Jackman... would you look?  

I'd look, and I'm straight (I'd then make a dick joke even if unwarranted, but that's me...)

What if Hugh was performing on stage in front of thousands of people dressed in nothing but a towel and in the scene, he accidentally dropped the towel - would you look or avert your eyes? Do you think the rest of the crowd would look? What if it was millions of people in the crowd, or billions?  How many do you think would avert their eyes?  I guarantee, the more people in the crowd, the more people are likely to look because even if you would normally look away - you can see that everyone else is looking.  If rubber-necks at traffic accidents has taught me anything, it's that we all want to see whatever everyone else is gawking at, always.

Why we should be grateful for Gabrielle Union nudes - Celebgate 2.0 commentary

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I haven't thought about Gabrielle Union in a looooooong time.  I have no idea if her career is anywhere or if she's doing anything, but the woman is just-freaking-beautiful.  I am frighteningly white. Like if I take my shirt off in the dark, I could probably act as a light to guide you safely through the darkness. My DNA on some level is aware that in my ancestry, Germans and French people fucked each other way too may times and my genes need some god-damn color in the next few generations or we're going to breed children that instantly burst into flames in the face of the Australian sun.

*Child shoots out of vagina, sunlight hits the child - sounds of explosion is heard* "Nooooooooo-"

My firstborn son has blonde hair, blue eyes and Scottish skin... which in this country means he's pretty much destined to die of skin cancer.

The Danielle Watts story: A DAN-ism on racism, white guilt, and white privilege.

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Danielle Watts in Django Uchained

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WARNING: This article may be a fabulous example of The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, or how to piss everyone off at the same time.

A couple of days ago Danielle Watts of  Django Unchained  (which was a freaking awesome movie - if you haven't seen it, go do so immediately) fame got arrested because some cops thought she was a prostitute.  As expected the internet went abso-loot-lee batshit.

What's happening to DAN-isms.com ?

WEBSITE UPDATE: NEW WEBRING and FACEBOOK PAGES

When this site originally went up it was to promote my work as an author and to keep people coming back by sharing news on some of my interests. I'm a conflicted human being like any other person which means that on one hand I'm into serious issues like Gender Equality yet also into really trivial shit like celebrity gossip - and hot bods, I admire a good looking human being... that's a shallow-as-fuck value possibly at odds with gender equality (depending on your perspective/ideology), but it's there.

Celebgate happened right on the launch of DAN-isms.com and my pursuit of it completely skewed the tone of this site and suddenly I had three problems on my hands:

DAFUQ? An Oh!-pinion on the Oscar Pistorius verdict

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I got out of bed this morning, swore loudly as I realised that the missed call on my phone was from my son's teacher which means he's probably done something that requires me to act parental; grabbed my coffee and started checking out the headlines.

Which is when I saw that Oscar Pistorius had been acquitted of murder charges.

Cockblocked by Jesus - Facebook Page


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Cockblocked by Jesus now has a facebook page of its own - click 'Like' to let people know you've been Cockblocked too!


Post by Cockblocked by Jesus.

Happy Father's Day MotherF**kers!

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I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness - so until I moved out of home, I had zero Father's Days to contend with.  Let me tell you something, Father's Day, is the shit!  As an adult I'm a fan of all the 'days' that promote the celebration of life.

My dad was a rough, tough, mean son-of-a-bitch... and I respected him for that. Though he was short tempered, bigoted and thought the world revolved around him most days, he had a loud and easy laugh, a heart the size of a mountain and a fierce loyalty for his family that meant he would fearlessly have stood in front of a bullet for any of us.  My dad was a man who worked tirelessly to protect and provide, he was full of hugs and kisses and 'I love you's'.  I am so grateful for that.

I don't believe in an afterlife, but I do believe that I don't know everything and that I'm often wrong on any number of things.

So if you're out there dad, know that I'm raising a cup of coffee - just like the ones you made me every day of school since I was six years old - in your honour.  I love you dad, I'll always admire you, always respect you. You were my world definition of what a man must esteem to be and I truly hope that somewhere you're looking down on me, and that you're proud.

If you love your dad, remember to tell them today. After all, we couldn't exist without a world full of actual motherfuckers.


RIP Joan Rivers

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So Joan Rivers, the queen of offending people on the red carpet, went to the happy hunting ground today.  I never had an opinion on the lady other than she did what she did, and she appeared to do it well, so power to her.  This is a statement by her people:

“It is with great sadness that I announce the death of my mother, Joan Rivers. She passed peacefully at 1:17 p.m. surrounded by family and close friends. My son and I would like to thank the doctors, nurses, and staff of Mount Sinai Hospital for the amazing care they provided for my mother.”
Melissa Rivers added that she and her son, Cooper, who is Joan Rivers’ grandson, “have found ourselves humbled by the outpouring of love, support and prayers we have received from around the world. They have been heard and appreciated. My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.”


Apple speaks - Relax , your homemade iCloud nudes are not at risk... (or are they?)

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So the morning of The Fappening /Celebgate - a series of people lost their minds.   Half of them were busy downloading celeb nudes.  The other half of them were busy deleting saucy material off their own iPhones and trying to make damn sure they had nothing racy on the iCloud.

There's a lot of spiels going around this morning as to how the hell this whole thing could have happened.  How was Apple's iCloud compromised if it was indeed the issue - which, it kind of was. The position of 'kind of' vs the position of 'yeah totally is responsible', depends a lot on how tech nerdy you are.

Reddit / The Fappening and the Prostate Cancer Foundation

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Well for a minute there, it seemed like there might be a pretty solid silver lining to all this sordid mess. What silver lining you ask?  Just for LOLS, Reddit thought it would do the charity world a solid and turn all this #Celebgate / #TheFappening traffic into something positive by posting a contribution link to to the Prostate Cancer Foundation (PCF) and encouraging people to donate in the name of Reddit: The Fappening.


#Celebgate - it's still fappening...

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Sorry about the break peoples. At 2am I had to go to bed and pass out, but I woke up this morning to check the threads and my face did this:

Celebgate!  ... The Fappening.
THAT'S RIGHT IT'S STILL ON!

Achievement unlocked!

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While DAN-isms.com was only launched last Friday, I'd say we're giving the people what they want.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!

The Facebook page was just released yesterday as well.  If you like the work we're doing please go over and hit the like button or follow us on google plus:

#Celebgate - The hacker speaks

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So since last night Reddit, 4Chan and Imgur were being beaten to death by server requests related to #Celebgate also known as #TheFappening.  Then there was a lull for a while with the hacker promising to post more images at 1AM.  At 1AM nothing happened and the forums went berko with people wanting to know where the next round of pics were.

Writing is music

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*Clears throat.*
He look's at the assembled crowd before him and feels a building, a rising of emotion.  In the corner of his eye a lonely tear bursts forth unbidden, trickling down his check, drawing lines in his weathered flesh.  He leans forward. Scanning the crowd, he grips the wooden surface of the podium like a desperate fool hanging from the edges of a cliff.  He scans faces, tries to read minds.  How can he impart the full meaning of what he has seen? How can he communicate this emotion? How can he share this feeling?

Looking meaningfully at people before him, he utters two words...

"Fuck yeah!"

Beautiful... it's a writer's thing.